I always had this expectation of college where I would be experiencing the best years of my life. This would be the time where I break out of my shell—the irony is that my astrology sign is a Cancer. With how my freshman year panned out, it was everything but smooth sailing. I honestly had a tough time transitioning from high school into college. I was in a brand-new environment full of opportunities but I didn’t truly feel like I was there to experience it. My friends in high school were attending different colleges miles away and I knew it was going to be difficult to stay in touch regularly while adjusting to our new schedules. I felt alone on this huge campus and was taking classes for a major that I had picked out on the day of orientation in a state of panic. A story of how bouncing back from one of the lowest points in my life put me on a path of clarity.
In my freshmen year, I was on a completely different path with a major in Health Science. But I had this passion for writing that I set aside for my elective courses. I was expecting this moment to click into place where everything felt right. I started doubting every decision I had made regarding college… ‘Was it the right choice for me?’, ‘What the heck am I going to do with this major?’, “Should I drop out of college and figure something else out?’ This took a huge toll on my mental health and affecting my anxiety. I found myself often having to calm myself down from panic attacks on campus because of the overbearing stress of thinking about my future. I felt like a failure. My grades suffered and I was unhappy with the outcome of my first semester in college. Everything was going downhill and I was internalizing everything on my own.
I eventually fell into a routine of waiting in the Hall of Science building for my Human Biology lecture class to start and I had an epiphany while listening to “Lose You” by Drake. I needed to take control and figure out what I wanted to do with my future. It all rooted from my lack of enthusiasm for my major. I felt like I was thrust into college under the expectation of finding the “perfect” major for me to pursue. I’m not one to seek help as I would rather figure it out on my own but I was desperate to get myself out this this rut. I sought the help of an undergraduate advisor on campus and practically vented my troubles. Together, we came to a decision that I could experiment with a few classes to help me narrow down a major for myself. So, there was the Introduction to Cultural Anthropology class, Gateway to Communication Studies and Principles of Public Relations. By the end of a semester and plenty of contemplation, I took a leap of faith and changed my major to Public Relations. I always wanted to work in the music industry doing PR for artists and bands. The majority of my time was spent going to concerts and music festivals since middle school. I was intrigued and appreciated every aspect of it. Naturally, I carried doubts in even thinking of the possibility because I didn’t know of anyone that was an Asian-American woman working in this industry but I hope that will bring change. Lately, I’m anxious (in a good way) but determined as my senior year is soon approaching in few months. I learned that more issues arise when you do everything in your power to avoid it. After a lot of sleepless nights, asking for guidance/advice, plenty of tears and actually talking about it— I was able to bounce back from it all.